Taxi Driver

My most meaningful experiences in China have been wandering alone. I’ve recently realized (tonight) why I love Chinese taxi drivers. It’s because I can talk to them completely without inhibition about the way my Chinese comes out or the politeness of my questions. Taxi drivers don’t care. Worst-case scenario they brush me off as a funny foreigner trying to learn their language.

Tonight I flagged my taxi down outside xiannanguo, a delicious, somewhat pretentious restaurant, and told the driver the address of my jia (home, aka the Somerset)- ba ba ba shanxi nan lu.

First I ask if he’s a Shanghai ren (from Shanghai, most Chinese are not). I told him to guess where I’m from and he whips around squints at me, pronounces me faguo ren (French). He says because I’m prettier than an American. Faguo ren have lighter skin than Americans he says and I have really white skin. I ask him if he likes Obama. Of course he does. Then I ask if he has kids, nusheng or nansheng (girl or boy) and if they’re married if they have grandkids etc etc. My nameless taxi man had a 27-year-old son who married a friend from college a few years ago. Right now they don’t want kids. He’s decided to forget about having a grandson for a while. I told him I wanted lots of kids but that I didn’t have a husband yet so I’d have to wait. I ask him if this is strange and he says guai guai guai (strange strange strange) adding you want kids but you don’t want to give birth to them. I can't argue with that. I agree with pretty much everything he says. Mainly because he’s laughing so it must be funny and sometimes it’s too confusing to figure out what he’s actually saying. I’m forgetting to mention that in the middle of all this laughter we’re looking for ba ba ba shanxi nan lu. He gets out of the cab at least six times to ask people for directions. We end up at some nightclub called 88 on shanxi lu. I tell him this isn’t my bedroom. I ask him why I always see Chinese girls with western guys and few Chinese guys with western girls. He says because western men have money and Shanghai girls like money. Chinese guys don’t have money. They like white girls he says but are intimidated. I say that’s not a problem because white girls have money. He asks if all foreigners have money. I say no, well kind of. He says all Chinese guys like western girls. I say but we’re fat he says no Shanghai girls are too skinny.

I finally learn that I was saying it wrong- for “888” to appear in the taxi driver’s head I need to say ba bai ba shi ba. Those are the magic words. He tried to not accept my money and finally I tossed it onto the front seat and waved goodbye smiling at 888 shanxi nan lu.